Why Are They Saying, “Happy New Year”?

This one is short, so bear with me.  There are twelve months, right?  We all agree on that.  But, here’s where a little bit of knowledge over conformity really matters.

September, October, November, and December translate to seventh month, eighth month, ninth month, and tenth month, respectively.  So, if there are twelve months, and December is the tenth, then the new year doesn’t begin for another two months.  The last month is (No, it can’t be. That makes too much sense.) the shortest one.

Now, people have told me that I’m wrong because July and August (named after Julius and Augustus Caeser, respectively) were thrown into the middle to keep the seasons the same, but if I were wrong, then they would have renamed September through December so they no longer called themselves the seventh through tenth months.  The way I see it, this is like if someone gives you directions to drive straight down the street, and take a left at the third light after the city built two lights between what used to be the second and third.  They wanted you to take a left at what was now the fifth light, but they were still calling it the third.

So, as long as we have a December, it’s going to be the tenth month.  This is not up for debate.  This is just the way it is.  It’s been semantically proven.  If you continue to call me wrong after reading this evidence, you’re just a moron who puts conformity above provable facts.  If it were agreed that it were proper to wear a codfish on your head, you would do it.  So, happy NOT new year to you, too.

There are 6 Comments to "Why Are They Saying, “Happy New Year”?"

  • AnkhNo Gravatar says:

    The year has been 12 months for thousands of years. If you want to argue that it’s not 2012 tomorrow, then you’ll have to take two months out of every year since July and August were added and figure out the year from that. Then again, it would be much easier if we just renamed the months after their numbers. December is M-12.

    • The CeejNo Gravatar says:

      I’d argue this point, but you have already admitted to misunderstanding and conceded to the article, so yeah.

  • AwesomeNo Gravatar says:

    I really don’t understand this editorial at all. I think a month is ~30 days and that there are 12 sets of those every year… I mean… I don’t even know what this editorial is really trying to say…

  • evoshendorNo Gravatar says:

    The numbers are now purely nominal, and not ordinal in any way. December is number 10 – sure, but it’s not the 10th month. Nor is it the 12th, 1st or 8th for that matter. One month follows the next in a neverending cycle. The new year starts when it does ONLY because we agree it does. And, yeah, I’m wearing my codfishhat right now. It smells bad, but it IS the done thing, you know..?

    • The CeejNo Gravatar says:

      Accepting something because “that’s just the way it is” is the very definition of complacency. I’m not saying you should fight it. Pick your battles, you know. Even I do that. The point of this article is not to incite revolution over the way we order our months, but to incite the general public to question everything. There are plenty of things to fight back over, however, that are far more important than this.

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