Those Damn Motorists Should Get Off The Road!!

I’m a cyclist.  Not one of those pretentious people that wears spandex shorts and rides around on a custom-built Colnago with a carbon fiber frame and a state-of-the-art backpack hydration system, all with no particular place to go.  Just your run of the mill rider of a garage sale bike with a few basic essential pieces of gear so I can get where I need to go without paying OPEC’s ungodly fuel prices.

As a cyclist, I mainly use the same roads the motorists use.  There are exceptions, however, because a bicycle is small enough where short cuts are possible, but as a general rule, I use the roads.

If you’re a motorist, let me give you a tip:  Don’t yell at cyclists.  Don’t honk your horn at them.  And, for God’s sake, don’t throw your garbage at them.  You’re not solving any problems, unless your problem is that you don’t feel you look like enough of a jackass, in which case, what you’re doing is overkill.

In order to solve your problem, you have to first understand it.  So, I will begin by explaining your problem, and then the solution should become clear to you.

Motorists are self-centred maniacs who don’t belong on the road.  No, really.  Hear me out.  Motorists are licensed drivers, which makes them ineligible for road travel.  To some of you, I’m not making sense, but bear with me.  Cyclists are unlicensed and unregistered, so we follow the rules of the road, in general, not because we’re appeasing government authority, but for our own well-being.  If we break the rules of the road, we die.  If you do it, you pay a couple bucks to the cops.  You only learned the rules so they would give you a license, and then you immediately forgot them.

So, you say you know the rules, do you?  How about a little test.  You’re on a two-lane road, in a no passing zone, and you approach a cyclist riding on the side of the road.  What do you do?

A.  Honk your horn

B. Yell that he get off the road

C.  Throw the leftovers of your fast food at him

D.  Wait until the no passing zone ends and then drive around him if the oncoming lane is clear

If you said anything but D, cut up your driver’s license right now and sell your car.  You have no business on the road.  I know you don’t like being forced to drive behind a cyclist, but the road is all of ours, and you’ll live with it.  If you don’t, get off the damn road.  Your kind is not welcome.  Cyclists hate you because you abuse them. Other motorists hate you because you’re the reason motorists are hated.

“But, Ceej!” you cry, “How am I supposed to get where I’m going without my car!”

Get on your bike and ride.  Let’s see how you like being treated this way.

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