Part XXIV: Force The Fit…
No matter how much I thought about how it all began, I couldn’t find a beginning. I just kept going backwards in time. The further back I recalled, the more surreal it got. Everything seems like a dream for me that far in the past anyway. And, it didn’t help that I was tripping on some drug that someone slipped me when I wasn’t looking.
* * *
How far are we back now? First grade? No… Kindergarten… Sarah raised her hand and told the teacher that the hands on the clock here bent.
“Don’t worry about it,” the teacher said, “They’re always bent.”
“No,” Sarah insisted, “They’re bent like Ceej did it.”
“Like Ceej did it”? And even back then, they took the word of someone who was clearly trying to sabotage me even without evidence, without listening to my denials. I was punished for this. Not just at school, but at home too. I was coerced into confessing, and then punished, not just for doing it, but for lying about it.
But, that’s all I have to go on… I can’t remember anything else that far back. It’s gotta be relevant to something… If it really happened, anyway…
Okay, let’s move forward some. First grade? No, I still don’t remember first grade. Second grade. Everybody had a tribalist mentality that seemed natural to them, but I couldn’t understand. I wasn’t really fitting in. They expected me to be proud of America, to have school spirit, to pick a football team to support… When I tried to understand, they just said, “That’s just the way the world is.” Would I ever understand tribalism? Is that why they ended up putting me on Ritalin and making me see doctors way back then? Simply because I couldn’t understand their silly customs? Simply because they couldn’t understand?
Of course they couldn’t even understand their own tribalism. If they could, they could have explained it to me a little better than they did.
So, the drugs… The mental health stuff… They weren’t just a cure for my problems gone bad. They were the initial cause. They were used to try to force me into their little worldview, and the plan totally backfired…
Of course, they deny the drugs had anything to do with my problems. I was just born crazy.