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Facebook Wants Your Friendships Destroyed!

Okay, so it’s probably a little late to be publishing this article, what with the end of Facebook less than two weeks away, but it’s better late than never.  Plus, I never want to miss an opportunity to bash the Big F.

I mean, it’s pretty much common knowledge that the purpose of Facebook is to farm your personal data to sell to companies and governments and has been ever since Mark Zuckerberg’s bragging about how he got your personal information because you’re “dumb fucks” came to public light.  It should be noted, however, that I disagree with Zuckerberg about your being dumb fucks and not just because I don’t want to alienate my fans.  Even his apology reeked of the guy who apologises for repeatedly punching you because he was young even though he’s now six years older and has never stopped punching you.  But, all that is common knowledge.  I’m here to tell you what you don’t know.

Facebook wants your friendships destroyed.  Yes.  It’s true.  I’ll provide evidence for that, but first, I’ll presume why.  I think Mark Zuckerberg is so bitter than he has never had a friend in his entire life that he will go so far as to destroy your friendships to elevate himself.  But, he isn’t friendless because you have all the friends.  He’s friendless because he’s a sociopath.  The correct course of action would be to become a better person, rather than to destroy your friendships.

So, where’s my evidence?  Here!  No, really.  Have a look at how it works.  It’s designed to destroy friendships.

“But, Ceej,” you asked, “What do you mean?  Where should I look?”

First, look at your open friend requests.  What are your options?  You can approve it or ignore it.  If you go into your settings, you can delete it, but you will never be able to reject it.  Facebook encourages you to lie to people.  Even if you delete your friend requests, those who sent them will still see, when they look at your profile, that the request is awaiting a response.  No, it’s not!  It’s been taken care of!  If Facebook wasn’t trying to destroy your friendships, the options would be accept and reject.

But, if that were the only thing, you might be able to overlook it.  Tagging.  Facebook users are not only allowed, but encouraged to tag posts and photos with their friends.  They are encouraged to blatantly violate their friends’ privacy without permission.  This is not healthy for friendships.  This is debauchery.  But, if you don’t think they’re doing it to destroy friendships, look to see if there’s a privacy setting to block all tagging of you.  Nope.  There is a setting that makes you approve it to show on your profile, but it still shows on theirs and, no matter what you do, you can’t remove it from theirs.  They also train your friends to think this is perfectly okay so they avoid you for a year and a half if you call them on it because they think you’re angry with them, only to find out, after meeting them randomly at a bar, that it was all just a misunderstanding perpetuated by the Big F, and that they still like you and have followed everything you’ve done since.  Okay, so your details may vary, but you get the point.  By the way, if you’re reading this, I’m sorry again that you got the wrong idea.  Ring me up some time and we’ll catch up.  Over a game of bowling or billiards or something.

There are many other small things like the tagging going on that people just don’t seem to understand.  I don’t even want my personal information given in the PM system.  There is no privacy setting that prevents Facebook or its apps from acquiring the information you put in.  If it weren’t for their blatant disregard for your privacy and desire to make a profit off information you either provided for free or they stole from you, these wouldn’t be so big of a deal.  It would just be that friend request debauchery.

But, then, some friends want to invite you to their shitty games, but I can’t blame that one on Facebook.  Facebook doesn’t make people invite me to Farmville, so I can just block them for that.

No.  I mean block Farmville.  Did you think I meant block people?  Nah…  I’m not that much of an arsehole.

With all of these problems, it makes me wonder why people are waiting for Timeline.  It’s not like we’re going to stay even on the off-chance they cancel the mandatory change.

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