I know this article is going to be walking a fine line of my contract, especially if any of my sponsors have Black Friday sales, but fuck it. It’s not like it’s not true.
Black Friday was so named because it’s the day when most businesses start operating in the black.
Nope. These are huge corporations that operate in the black from the first day of the fiscal year. Maybe a few struggling businesses finally start pulling out of the red that day but, even if that were true, that wouldn’t be enough to call the day, “Black Friday.” I have a hunch that the name has more sinister roots.
The purpose of Black Friday is to get people to spend a lot of money on Christmas shopping and increase revenue.
Again, this is simply false. In my lifetime, the Black Friday sales have gone from beginning at 9:00 AM to beginning at 4:00 AM. I haven’t heard, but I suspect that, this year, they’ve been moved to 3:00 AM. The purpose is to see how early they can force people to get out of bed. How stupid people are, and how much of a sucker they are for paying more than things are worth and still thinking they’re getting a deal. And, the people never disappoint. Here’s some advice. Stroll into the store at 11:00 AM and demand the blitz prices. If they say no, then walk out of the store and don’t return until after Christmas. If even 10% of the people did that, you could cripple the business and push the blitz sales back to reasonable hours. Just you would be a decent start.
If you still want to go to the blitz sales on Black Friday, check out this compilation of the 13 most brutal Black Friday injuries. Yes. One of them ended in death. If you go to a Black Friday sale, you will likely die.
So, here are a few tips for surviving Black Friday. Don’t go. Make the companies make the blitz prices the standard prices, because Odin knows those are still marked up for retail. Of course, that’ll never happen because people enjoy being ripped off.